Welcome to Day Eighteen of the 30 Days of Forgiveness.

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Hello, Dear One.

One of the hardest things for me to experience has been the loss of friendship.

My friend didn’t die; he just decided he no longer wanted to be my friend.

I remember holding onto the belief that he would change his mind. I thought—he’ll snap out of this and see how valuable our friendship is.

He didn’t.

I remember being mad initially, but really underneath I was really, really sad. I really valued our connection, and his withdrawal of friendship was a great loss to me.

If I’d done something wrong—something to deserve the loss of our friendship—it would have been easier to manage the pain. That would have given me some sense of control. I could have changed and vowed to do things differently next time, but the sad, sad truth was I did nothing wrong.

I did nothing to deserve the loss.

He just chose to let our friendship go because he felt that was best for his situation, and this was terribly hard to accept.

You see in life, we don’t control everything. 

We often wish we could. We wish that being good and doing the right things would absolve us from harm and pain, but that is not how life works.

Life teaches—sometimes through deeply painful experiences. 

Life teaches, and we learn.

Today’s Contemplation:

Have you ever lost a friend or a beloved pet? It doesn’t matter if it was due to death or a withdrawal of friendship; it is painful.

While time lessens the pain, the wounds of loss may still be present. If you haven’t allowed yourself to fully feel the pain of loss, consider taking a step toward healing and forgiveness today. Place your hand on your heart—trusting that your divine source is with you always—then allow yourself to just be with the feelings that surface. Allow yourself to feel the feelings you suppressed, denied, and numbed.

I know you feel like the pain will overwhelm you. It will not.

Your feelings just need to be felt then released, and forgetting isn’t releasing. Denying the pain isn’t releasing. Numbing only works temporarily. Unprocessed feelings become stuck in our bodies and manifest as physical pain and other forms of dysfunction.

Just sit with the pain until it begins to subside, and ask God (or your higher power) to bring love and light into your heart. Allow yourself to sit with the helplessness over death and/or rejection. Soothe yourself, just as you would soothe a small child who had lost their friend (or a beloved pet).

If this is too much to do on your own, talk with a trusted friend or therapist. You may need support. If so, the most loving thing to do may be to reach out to someone who can truly nurture and hold you as you process this deep loss.

Alright, sweet one. Today’s contemplation can be a really hard one. Feel free to leave a comment if you had a break through or if you need support.

Leave a comment below.

Sending warm hugs your way,

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Today’s Featured Image: “Untitled” by Silvia Sala on Flickr

 

8 comments on “Managing The Hurt and Pain When You Lose A Beloved Friend Or Pet”

  1. When I lost my parents around sixteen years ago there was considerable sadness and even some pain. There is a natural grief process that doesn’t involve suppression, denial or numbing. I experienced this and then moved on. Life does move on. In fact, life never dies. Even though my parents are no longer in physical form, there spirits are still alive at another level. And I wouldn’t be honoring them if I allowed the pain of their loss to cripple me for the rest of my life. I honor them by bringing the same spirit of integrity, generosity and victory that they so beautifully brought while they were on earth.

    I would take exception to the comment by Curtis that we can’t control anything. We are in control of the choices we make in relation to what comes to us. And, as I stated on Day 16, though it may feel that we are helpless and have no control in certain circumstances, we always have control over our own response to the situation. We may, as most people do, merely habitually react to the circumstance, in effect submitting as a victim, or we may respond to the highest within us to bring whatever creative action is possible.

    • When you speak of your reaction to your parents dying I am reminded of Dr. Margaret Paul’s process for allowing core pain to pass through your body. The sadness from the loss of a loved one is an example of core pain. No doubt you’ve found a way to honor core pain, truly feeling it fully, so it can pass naturally instead of being held inside your body—manifesting as pain or illness—or crippling you for life. That’s really beautiful.

      And I agree. We are in control over the choices we make. I love that you often point out that we are not our emotions. We do not need to get lost in them. There are many processes for managing our emotions, and you’ve found a way that works beautifully. Much love, Jerry. I’m feeling so grateful for you!

  2. I’ve lost several friends along the way. I’m sure some had reasons I don’t understand, but I get why many of them said goodbye. Like many of us often say, if only I had the wisdom then that I do now. I wouldn’t have been so controlling and insistent that things be done my way. And just plain selfish. Lordy, that’s the big one for me, elbowing my way through life. Buried down in there somewhere is a good, kind soul with a big heart and lots of patience. Too bad I don’t let him out often enough see the light of day.

  3. “You see in life, we don’t control everything.”

    I believe we actually can not really control ANYthing. Some things come out like we like them to or imagined them but as to actual control of the outcome we are powerless. The end result may be of benefit to us but nothing we actually did made it so.Take it as it comes from life and give up the feeling that we are actually in control.

    • I see things a bit differently. I agree we are powerless over others, circumstances, outcomes, etc, but I personally believe we do have control over ourselves—our thoughts, our character, and our actions, for example.

      Jack Canfield has a quote that really resonates with me. “I have control over only three things in my life—the thoughts I think, the images I visualize, and the actions I take (my behavior). How I use these three things determines everything I experience.”

      Just curious…What are your thoughts about his belief? Do you agree or disagree?

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