Welcome to Day 13 of the “No Limits” Challenge. //
I was recently challenged by an age old dilemma—Do I speak up and share my needs? or Do I stay silent and hope things will get better?
This has been a question I’ve been pondering for as long as I can remember.
I started out early in life readily forthright, but over the years, I grew shy. Person after person told me I was too honest. It wasn’t long before the great discomfort of speaking my truth was silenced in order to avoid offend anyone.
It’s sad really.
I wish I’d learned to share the truth with love and kindness (and frankly, tact), instead of wearing my I’m-so-happy facade over my oh-so-unhappy face. Unfortunately I went around pretending I didn’t have any needs until the results of that tactic no longer worked.
The quandary to speak up or not isn’t black-or-white, and often no matter which option you choose—both options contain risk. Both options may have inherent positive and negative consequences.
While there is certainly no easy cookie-cutter approach, the “best” solution may be closer than you think.
The lovely author, Sark, along with her late husband John, teach about a concept called a joyful solution. For today’s lesson, I really want to encourage you to start thinking terms of joyful solutions.
The authors share—
To create a Joyful Solution, you start with the attitude that everyone can get what they want. That is the biggest factor. Starting from that approach is so powerful because when you believe that everyone can get what they want, you can help the other person get what makes them happy.
Step One—Start by considering your normal mode of operandi.
Do you tend to speak up about your needs or do you normally clam up and stay silent? Consider the pay off for the option you typically take. Consider the negative consquences.
Step Two—Begin to chew on the possibility that creating joyful solutions is possible in all your relationships.
How can everyone in this situation get what they want? What are your needs and what would make you happy? Are you willing to discover what the other person wants and needs? What makes them happy?
Just explore possibilities in your mind. There is no need to take action unless you feel inspired.
Step Three—If you are in a real conflict, consider working with a trusted friend, partner, or facilitator.
I personally find it really helpful to get guidance with complicated situations. If you do, too, build a team of people who can help you, then use them as a go-to source when you need extra support.
I just went out and created a joyful solution (to the best of my ability) with a new neighbor. So if I can do it, so can you!
But before I worked on speaking up about my needs, I made sure I had clear, loving intentions. I wanted a joyful solution for everyone involved, and I consulted with several friends and a loving Inner Bonding facilitator to make sure I was coming to the situation with a grounded focus. I also sat with the great discomfort of sharing my needs and worked on my helplessness over the outcome.
Alright, dear one. If you’re curious about the joyful solutions concept I highly recommend you read Sark and John’s book, Succulent Wild Love: Six Powerful Habits for Feeling More Love More Often (Amazon Affiliate Link).
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Today’s Feature Image: “Couple ” by Wyatt Fisher on Flickr