Welcome to Day Twenty-one of the 30 Days of Forgiveness.


Hello, Love

Yesterday I posed several questions about your thoughts on assuming full responsibility for everything that happens in your life.

If you’re like me, you are (unconsciously) looking out into the world for what’s your fault versus what is someone else’s fault.

So many of us look out into the world and see judgements and assign blame

However, as I dug deeper into the Ho’oponopono methodology, I became clear about how powerful it can be to take full responsibility for everything that occurred in my life. I saw the benefits of moving away from seeing the world through the eyes of judgment.

I started exploring this concept in two ways:

First, I removed my fault finding mechanism. Honestly I thought I came pre-programmed with this tendency, but I’m beginning to believe this is a programmed way of being. My unconscious tendency is to try to control myself and others, but this has been preventing me from moving forward in life—and likely is a huge reason my Guidance lead me to create this forgiveness series.

Second, I redirected my attention to the things in life I actually had control over. I have control over my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions (my behaviors); most everything else in life is out of my direct control.

Don’t get me wrong.

I still try to control everything and everyone around me—myself included. However, over time I am more quickly choosing to choose the intention to learn to love myself and others, instead of continuously attempting to control and protect.

(FYI: I learned this from Dr. Margaret Paul of Inner Bonding.)

When I use Dr. Paul’s teaching, along, with this principle in Ho’oponopono, I easily move past the blame game. I also realize my past controlling behaviors—such as anger, blame, rejection, judgement, etc.—are my resistance to feeling my feelings fully.

So it’s so much easier to feel anger, blame, resentment, etc. These feelings give us the false illusion of power, when these feelings really are the antithesis of power.

When I accept I can’t control everything in life and I simultaneously take full responsibility for everything that is happening to me, I open the door to true power. I make it possible to let go of controlling others, circumstances, and outcomes, and I open to learn to do what is truly loving for myself and others. I do this through redirecting my focus on what I could control; again, these are my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Today’s Contemplation:

Consider your current feelings and thoughts about this principle.

How would adopting this belief—that you are fully responsibility for everything that happens in your life—affect your life and your relationships? How would it aid you in having the best relationships possible? Or the career or business of your dreams? Or the self confidence you deeply desire? 

Alright, dear one. Please know that you are supported fully by your Guidance as you work to forgive yourself, others, and life circumstances. I’m also here to help, and I 100% support you in shifting your thoughts, feelings, and actions to align your life with your true desires.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s post.




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Today’s Feature Image: “Blossom” by tab2_dawa on Flickr

7 comments on “Assume Responsibility While Letting Go Of Your Need To Be In Control”

  1. When you’re identified with and acting from the truth of yourself, i.e. your God Center, Guidance, Higher Self, or however you wish to describe it, then you really don’t have to be concerned about all of these things—control, judgment, blame, fault-finding, even forgiveness. I think, act and live from my Power Center and my world is grateful for the true control I’m offering it. Life is simple; why complicate it with a lot of needless introspection and manipulation?

  2. Misty, one of the things I often do is blame myself for everything that happens in my life. I do this as a disguise for “taking personal responsibility”. After I read your post I’m left with a lingering question. How do I take responsibility for everything that happens in my life without feeling guilty that I was the cause? I know you suggested to not confuse taking personal responsibility with “finding fault”, yet I personally find this a struggle.

    • This is a really common struggle, Terri, so I deeply appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to ask. Dr. Margaret Paul of InnerBonding says that this behavior is caused by our desire to control ourselves (and the outcomes of our life). She says if we believe that we are the cause, we also believe we can do something about it. This gives us the impression that we can change things about ourself and make things better next time, but unfortunately, this belief is false. Believing that we are the cause of everything is a desire to control and protect, and this causes us to close our heart (and often to beat ourself up needlessly).

      When I find myself doing this behavior (and I confess I do it more often than I would like), I do an InnerBonding process to connect with what is really going on inside. It helps me open my heart to learn what is in my highest good (and in the highest good of all involved). I’d encourage you to learn Inner Bonding, if you don’t already have a technique to redirect your intention to one that opens to heart to love and truth.

  3. Mandela, Gandhi, Jesus. How do they do it? They all have a seemingly unlimited capacity for forgiveness. I struggle with the simplest of challenges like forgiving a slowpoke driver who insists on staying in the left lane. I get so angry over the tiniest of things, which makes me feel shallow or even guilty compared to those giants of empathy and compassion. Separating how I deal with an injustice instead of dwelling on taking the blame or focusing on the other party’s actions does significantly help. So for that insight, I’m extremely grateful. Thank you! Now back to meditating … ohm …

    • Thanks for sharing, Greg. I can relate to the shame and self-criticism you experience, and it seems to me these two saboteurs do more to derail than help. I think at some level I think I’ll improve my reactions if I criticize and shame myself. There is a part of me that thinks it can control my reactions. It thinks by beating me up it can control my anger at other people, such as the annoyance to other drivers.

      However, I’m finding due to these behaviors I’ve just got smaller and smaller over the years. At 37 I find myself afraid to make mistakes because when I do make an error, I beat the $*%! out of myself. Comparing myself to the masters is another way to ensure I feel small and insignificant.

      I actively try to stop these self-sabotaging behaviors. Tell them, “Stop. You’re not helping matters. You’re just making things worse.” If I don’t stand up as the loving adult in my life, then these wounded voice as going to remain rampant in my life.

      Far to often, I don’t even realize I’m criticizing and blaming myself until it’s been going on for some time. It’s a work in progress, eh?

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